That Pesky Little Shame

Shame is so hard to deal with. It is strange that we struggle so much with what other people will think but when we really think about it, we couldn’t care less. Have you ever thought about the fact that letting all of your shame and guilt go is what will save you from a life of hate? I had an experience recently with this terrible emotion. Let me tell you about it:

                Every year my English teacher from middle school creates a day dedicated to reading, she calls it, “Reading Rally”. It’s cute and encourages reading in all the grades at my school (I go to a school with Pre-Kindergarten-12^th grade). This “Reading Rally” can be a little dorky sometimes and when I was in middle school I hated it, because all of the middle schoolers had to pick a book that they were going to read in the different classes, I was so excited when I got to high school and realized that I would no longer be required to participate. I know, I am such a brat. Imagine my wrath when I am asked to read my freshman year, I was perturbed, but I got over it and I read the socks off of Little Red Riding Hood. So, last month Reading Rally came around again and, again I am asked to read, and I say yes. I was more than a little upset. I started thinking of reasons of why she had no right to ask me, gathering up all aspects of the “victim attitude” that I can muster. Now, looking back I see that I really had no reason to not do it, I was just going to sit there and get distracted and not get any work done anyways. When the day came for the Reading Rally I still hadn’t picked out a book to read and I was dreading it, then I learn that the teacher in charge isn’t even there, she had to go out of town. And you know what I did? I blew it off, like I was an entitled brat. I completely disregarded the fact that I had made a commitment, and was on the schedule to read. Of course, I didn’t think about any of this until the next Monday I come in and see that my former English teacher, who was still on vacation, prepared a baggy full of my favorite treats. *insert shame here*

 

 

                I realized that she was counting on me to be a part of Reading Rally, and she believed that I was going to do the right thing. She had put so much faith in me and appreciated what I “did” so much that she went out and bought a bag of goodies for me, and I completely let her down. It has been almost a month since then and I am still avoiding one of the biggest influences on my life because I let her down and feel shameful. I realize that this isn’t a big deal, there are no real consequences, and she still loves me to the moon and back, but there is a bigger picture. Think of how this relates to our relationship with God. Have you ever done something small, that you wouldn’t want anyone to know about, sometimes you don’t even want to go to church? Have you ever thought surely, Christ could never forgive me? Have you ever been positive that the shame would never go away? Look at this scripture:

 “¹³ No one has ascended into heaven except he who descended from heaven, the Son of Man.^{[g] 14} And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, ¹⁵ that whoever believes in him may have eternal life. ¹⁶ “For God so loved the world,^[i] that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. ¹⁷ For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. ¹⁸ Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God. ¹⁹ And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. ²⁰ For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. ²¹ But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.”

I think it is really important that we pay special attention to verse 15 and 17. In fifteen we see that eternal life is given through belief, not good works. This is often misinterpreted because in church we learn that we must do good works and not sin, which is important when we want to live a blessed life and have a relationship with Christ, but in order to get to heaven we only need to believe. And in seventeen we need to see that Christ didn’t come to earth to send us all to hell and tell us how wrong everything that we do is, but rather save us from “the law”. The law was relentless, impossible to follow, and it made a barrier between us and our father. Jesus wanted to be able to have a relationship with his people, his children. So he came and saved us, he didn’t want to bring shame to us. So much of the Old Testament involved shame and guilt. Christ wanted to cleanse us of our shame.

                My teacher still loves me, and Jesus is the same way, he just wants to love us. But when we continue to let shame keep us from church, reading our bible, and being excited to learn more about him we push ourselves further and further from his holiness and light. Jesus came into the world as the light, to open our eyes to what is right, the Holy Spirit was able to move in us once Jesus went back to Heaven and the Holy Spirit became our light. Don’t let shame get in the way of the light, shame hides and cowers, but the Holy Spirit is here to make us BOLD! Shame will always be there as long as you continue to sin, but it’s all about how you let that shame affect you. Are you going to let the shame control you, or are you going to let it encourage you to do better next time? So many times we let our shame keep us from repenting and asking for forgiveness from those who we hurt or disobeyed. Don’t let that happen, don’t cower in your shame, but be bold in the Holy Spirit who teaches you how to live according to the will of God.
Pray, Read, Love!!
Peace and Blessings!
Delaney Yarbrough